Thursday, February 21, 2013


Everybody loves sledding.  Right?  Well almost everybody.  We like to hook sleds up to the back of the 4 Wheeler and...

and again...

It is a lot of fun except for one thing.
Snow spray.
It comes up and slams you in the face.
Not slams but stings.
You know how if you get snow in your gloves it stings like nuts.
Except this stuff is coming at you at 20 MPH.
Double ow.
If the bumps aren't bad enough try going over them with a sore hiney.
Not fun.
If you look closely you will see that the dog is in all the pictures.
So the sledding was fun.
And painful.
We had some wipe outs.
They were almost always done by me and my brother.
Have fun sledding.

Fly a......

Well.  I am thinking of taking flying lessons.
Yes to get a pilot's license.  I need to get taller first so I can reach the foot things (also called rudders).  Tuesday I ordered a flight simulator and all the things that make it work.  Fun.  When you want to get a pilots license there are stages.  There is your sport license.  That is where you are liscensed to just fly around.  Then there is private flying.  Then a teaching (flight instructor) liscense.  And above all is the commercial license.  That is the hardest one to get.  You need a Commercial Liscense if you want to be a pilot for an airline.  I am only trying to get a sport license for now.  The lessons are pretty pricey though.  $120 per lesson with the instructor. Renting the plane is the expensive part (it is $90 per hour).  The cost for a 1 hour lesson from the instructor is only $30.   I have to have 20 hours of that.  Once the instructor clears me to fly alone I have to fly alone 10 hours to get my sport license.  There is an airport not far from where we live that offeres lessons.  The only instructor there is......ummmm.  Well lets just say my mom thinks he is 110 years old. :-)  I'm gonna get up there a few hundered feet above ground and hope the instructor doesn't have a heart attack.  I'm going to practice landing as soon as I get my flight simulator. 



My little sister gave us all new names.  In church 2 weeks ago we were waiting to give our speeches and we were all nervous wrecks.  It was "I love my church" Sunday.  Some of the kids were asked to tell why they loved their church.  Shelby, Andie, me, and some other kids got the pain of having to give a speech in front of the entire congregation.  To top it off, after the speeches Shelby and I were playing a song.  We were freaked out, chicken, nervous, our insides were mush.  So, as were sitting there in our jello-ified state Andie Kay gives us all new names. 

Shelby is "Strawberry"
Andie is "Apple"
Mom is "Cantaloupe"
Dad is "Mango"
Cole is "Corn"


I am "Pork"

This is funnier if you know that a new lady came to our church last year.  When I met her she asked me what my name was.  I said "Parker."  She said, "Porker?"  I said, "Parker."  She said, "Porker?" Then I said, "PARKER........P-a-r-k-e-r."  Who would name their kid "Porker?"

Introducing the new name system.  This chart will tell you what your name is in food or random objects.  Just match the letter with the first letter of your name.:-)

A.  apple

B.  banana

C.  cantaloupe, corn

D.  dog chow

E.  elephant ear

F.  fertilizer

G.  grapes

H.  hat

I.  icee

J.  jelly

K.  kumquats

L.  lemon

M.  mango

N.  nut

O.  orange

P.  pork

Q.  quilt

R.  radish

S.  strawberry

T.  tarnish

U.  umpire

V.  venison

W.  water

X.  xylophone

Y.  yak

Z.  zebra


Tuesday, February 12, 2013

hungry chickens

Who knows what it is like to try to walk in a pool of chickens?  OK.  Who knows what it is like to walk in a pool of hungry chickens?

Me, me, I do, I do.
You think you can easily just stroll through that maze of birds?  NO
Try to get through my maze of chickens.
It's extremely difficult.
Some times I accidentally step on them.  Not on purpose.

I am getting these pictures from the Internet.
While I was looking for a flat chicken picture I found this......
Punk rock rooster.


In the morning, first I let my chickens out of the chicken coop.  After they crazily pour out of the the big, green, chicken coop they surround me looking for breakfast.  Breakfast is served in the compost bin so that there is not a huge mess of slop all over the ground.  My 4 yard walk from the coop to the compost bin takes 2 hours because I am avoiding stepping on my chickens.  (not really 2 hours). 

Chickens all around my feet.  Wait I have feet?  Well not when I feed the chickens.
I try to run to the compost bin,
I try to walk to the compost bin.
So, I shuffle to the compost bin.
They are every where!
One time my Rhode island red rooster, Big Red, pecked me.  But that was a long time ago.
Now if you'll excuse me I have to go do math.


catching chickens

OK, who knows how to catch a chicken.  It's not that easy.  Some people try to chase the chicken so they can catch it.  Only works if the chicken is fat.  Or if the chicken is friendly.  Or if the chicken wants to mate with you.  Then there are people who try to call the chicken to them and grab it.  This strategy can also be a big bust,  unless the chicken is friendly and thinks you have food.  Then it will happily come over for some food.  But even then it can be hard to get your hands on the bird.  So, from my experience,  this is how you catch a chicken.

My Way:

1.  Distraction.

You might try to put some feed down or divert its attention with a bug.  Your best chance of catching the chicken is if its head is down.

2.  Ready. 

Now, take your stance behind the chicken.  Look around and make sure no protective roosters are in the area.  (My rooster Big Red is scary.  If he thinks you are going to get one of his girls he charges you.  If you are holding a screaming, flapping hen by the tail feathers he attacks. )

3.  Grab.

That simple, grab, hold and try not to let go.  If it is a hot summer day you might try this to cool off.  Sometimes the chicken will crazily freak out and turn into a mess of a squawking fan. If you hold on too long and Big Red is around, it will turn into a  mess of (1) a squawking, flapping, panicking hen, (2) a charging, attacking, protective  rooster and (3) a feather eating, surrendering, running human being.  Ow.  After that the hen might not lay an egg for days.  (I don't actually know.  Its just funny.)

The Books Way:.

1.  Fashion a hook at the end of a straightened coat hanger.  Make the hook small enough to just go around a chickens leg. 

2.  Throw down a pile of chicken feed.

3.  From behind the chicken, hook the leg & pull the chicken to you.  Grab chicken.

Shelby's Way:

Run screaming after the chicken and hope it wants to mate. 


Tuesday, February 5, 2013


Well....  The title says it all.  We are getting a Jersey cow.  All we currently have right now is a work-in-progress fence.  And a cleared out cow pasture that used to be a peach grove.  Yep.  Cow...  My sister is pumped.  She loves cows.  Not loves cows.  Not loves cows.  But Loves cows.

This is a Holstein.  The next one
is a jersey.  The ones on the
bottom are Jersey babies.
Hopefully the cow isn't as friendly as my chickens or else we will be getting trampled.  Think about it.  Little friendly chicken.  Giant 1,000 pound cow.  Ouch.

The cow also means cream, butter, milk, butter milk, and cheese.  Good food.  Chickens and a cow.  I am actually getting between 7 to 11 eggs a day.  Wait until Summer.  Egg production goes down in the winter.  In summer I might be getting 21 or more eggs a day.   Yay!  Wait until Summer.  I'll have eggs coming out my ears.   I heard a comedian talk about the Chick-fil-a chicken egg biscuit.  If I remember correctly he said,"As if naming a restaurant after you isn't enough I'm going to eat you and your unborn fetus too.

Happy egg collecting,

chicken phrases

Here are some phrases we have chickens to thank for.

As happy as a rooster in a hen house.

A hen which sits on top soils the one below.

The rooster may rule the roost, but the hen rules the rooster.

Don't count your chickens before they hatch.


cooped up

caught with egg on your face

The rooster may crow but the hen delivers the goods.

Quit your squawking

Walking on egg shells

he won't fly the coop

rulin' the roost

Birds of a feather flock together.

Pecking order

Don't put all your eggs in one basket

Have to break a few eggs to make an omelet

Which came first: the chicken or the egg?

Hatch an idea

Coming home to roost

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Don't chicken out

Not everything is what it's cracked up to be

Something to crow about

Chicken scratch (bad handwriting)

Running around like a chicken with it's head cut off

Stick your neck out

Bad egg

I'm going to ring his neck

A bird in the hand is worth 2 in the bush

Cock- eyed

Empty nest syndrome/ empty nesters

Bird brained

Playing chicken

Tough old bird